Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
