long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
