just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
