So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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