I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
