I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
