I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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