I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
