Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize