Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize