She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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