I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
