what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
