I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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