I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
