pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Randomize
