when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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