I wish I could punch you in the face.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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