Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
no, he came in my armpit
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize