Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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