Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
