If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize