sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
