I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
