really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
