He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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