I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
