I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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