During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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