Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry about my life...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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