Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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