We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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