I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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