I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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