how can u be prego again
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
