I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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