"it" just moved
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
