I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
