corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Of course I have a pirate flag
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
