did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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