tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
There's even glitter on my cock...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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