I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
