i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
