you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
