did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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