Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I want your puppy

(507): View more from Minnesota

I meant pussy

(612): View more from Minnesota

I would rather you take my puppy

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see

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(219): View more from Indiana

Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role

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(360): View more from Washington

Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...

(302): View more from Delaware

I just found it. I hope it leads to food.

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(210): View more from Texas

It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt

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(732): View more from New Jersey

What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.

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(210): View more from Texas

Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off

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