anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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