I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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