My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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