me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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