So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
