I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
