i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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