So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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