drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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