so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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