my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
