Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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