ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just want to make out with him forever
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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