He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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