I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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