I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
