I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
