Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize