I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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