ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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