I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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