we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I deserve this hangover.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
where are my eyebrows?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
