she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
